Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Social dominance

Some of us, not all (or else this post would be pointless), have experienced what it's like being on the losing side of this. I feel as though I actually am on that losing side quite frequently. It used to bother me more when I was younger, but now I'm getting used to it. Finally though, I believe I'm understanding why it occurs.

Let me describe this phenomenon a bit better. Imagine your at the park with a group of friends. Your all moseying along in a general direction with no real constraints or defined way-points you need to hit. You see something interesting not far off in the distance, mention it aloud, and go to look at it. At this point one of two things can happen.

1. The rest of your pack of friends follows you.
a. Because you are socially dominant, and draw others to you
b. Because your friends are extremely curious people

2. They continue in their general direction while you travel to the object of your curiosity alone.

A socially dominant person would wind up in the midst of option 1. For reason "a" (with perhaps "b" contributing). I, on the other hand, almost exclusively wind up at option #2, with the rare option #1 reason "b" occurring.

What is interesting to me is that this social dominance is something that has been more or less unchanging whilst among the same groups of friends. I believe that the root of this behavior lies in the perceptions others have of you.

So what does this mean? Here is a synopsis of two groups I commonly associate with. One group of people has known me for quite some time, and other group, a short while. How I'm treated by each group is vastly different however. In one, I'm seen as a respectable source of knowledge, fun loving, a bit of a comic, and a worthwhile person to listen to. The other group who has known me longer, (from my admittedly biased opinion) see's me as an unfortunately necessary member, with uninteresting contributions, a lack of humor, boring hobbies, and an annoying personality.

After giving it some thought, I came to the conclusion that the friendly group, not surprisingly, have similar interests and personalities to my own. The awkward group has near opposite interests and a much higher tendency towards "right brained" personalities.

So after all this rambling, what does it all mean at the end of the day? Am I a bad person or a good person? Are my friends bad people or good people? Am I really boring and annoying, or interesting and funny?

Hanging out with people very unlike yourself is obviously possible. It's even possible to be good friends with them. However, don't be surprised if you feel like your constantly "going against the grain" when with them. Don't be surprised when you realize you lack any social dominance.

I believe I have been stuck in the awkward group for a good portion of my life. In high school I had a very close-knit group of friends that I felt connected with. It was wonderful, and I must admit it's been a fault of my own to not connect more with that group since then. I found another group once again for a few years in college. It's been a bit of a rough go since then to be honest.

Best of luck finding your friendly group.
Cheers